How To Take The ‘Pause’ Out Of Menopause. From A Girl Who’s Done It Twice.
It sucks. The menopause sucks. Problem is, as a woman, there’s no getting around it. For ages, I stuck to the sucky path of it totally sucking until I woke up to myself and realized it wasn’t a winning path to be on and perhaps my family needed me to sort it. For my own sake (they said). I was on pause, and it wasn’t working for anyone, least of all me.
I was forty-two when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That really sucked. Amid the chaotic diagnosis and treatment plans, medically induced menopause was breezed over. It was when my periods came to an abrupt halt very early on in my chemo cycle, and the hot flashes landed with a vengeance, did I click. My chemo was brutal, and of course, one of the classic side effects was the death of my ovaries.
To be honest, at that time, it was the least of my worries, and I coped well with my changing body and symptoms because quite frankly, the chemo was a whole lot worse.
In recovery, I worked out very quickly that when I was really taking care of myself, eating well (as fresh as I could), swapping Chablis for water and walking/running regularly (dare I say consistently), me and the menopause got on well, you could almost say we were friends. Yet we’d have significant fallouts if I fell off that wagon, the hot flashes would be as many as forty a day, I’d feel weak with about as much emotional stability as a newborn baby — crying as much to boot. But I had a plan, and it was working. It was my kind of healthy living all the way (I even trained as a health coach to get it right). Under no circumstances could I have HRT, so I needed to suck it up. I did more than suck it up — I felt like I’d conquered it.
That was until I was forty-seven when my ovaries were removed as a precaution given the severity of my primary cancer. I’d been going through the menopause for a good five years, and all was going well. My consultant confirmed as much and almost congratulated me while saying I might feel a little menopausal ‘wobble’ after my surgery, but things should be fine.
There was no wobble. It was more of a slow burn. So quiet that about a year later I’d dropped into a deep depression, with no energy, motivation, sense of humour or self will. It was a shocker. I’m not the depressive type; I’d conquered cancer so what the heck was going on now.
My progressively gentle menopause had gone. I was buried in the throws of it all over again as if for the first time multiplied by about a million.
Why so brutal?
In brief, when ovaries are removed, the oestrogen production, although steadily diminishing in a regular and chemical menopause, drops to 50% overnight, as does the production of testosterone. The effects? Low mood, anxiety, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, no energy, foggy brain, no motivation, desperation and inferior quality of life. After surviving breast cancer twice, chemo and my first menopause, this really well and truly sucked.
As it was all going to shit, I fell off my healthy wagon because I had no motivation to stay on it, I was angry at everything, and everybody and I had no idea how to get help. At this point, I was pretty sure HRT was the only thing that was going to get me out of this hole, but no one would touch me given my history. I even offered to sign a declaration to my doctors that I wouldn’t sue them if anything adverse happened. All they’d do is try and give me anti-depressants. I wasn’t depressed. I was menopausal.
I researched the hind legs off HRT concerning my cancer and could see that I was probably lower risk than the average woman given I’d had a double mastectomy, had no ovaries and was fit as a fiddle. Plus, my cancer was not hormone-related — all my doctors agreed yet still refused to prescribe. It wasn’t until my fantastic consultant said these immortal words to me “Alex, I can’t agree to it, but if your quality of life is at risk, you’re sensible enough to make the right choices for you. Other women who’ve been through the same as you are taking HRT for those reasons. It’s your call.” Music to my over-emotional ears. Boy did I love that man.
Given the severity of my symptoms, I found a clinic who would see me (Newson Clinic). The founder is a GP who believes so passionately that women deserve to know all the facts, not the myths, of what the menopause is, how it affects us and what can be done. She’s written many papers about cancer and HRT and busts many, many myths that had me stumped before I’d found her.
I am now taking HRT, and I have been for nearly a year. Not only has the quality of my life dramatically increased, but I have no anxiety, no heart palpitations, and no hot flashes at all. But this only works if I’m only my healthy wagon. It’s not a free pass to get hammered every night and trip the light fantastic.
Not everyone wants to go down the HRT route, and I get it. I didn’t, and I was doing great. I followed the basic principles of being in rude health, not drinking too much (only on Fridays and Saturday actually) not eating loads of red meat and balancing a good fresh diet with hydration. I took up running to complement my love for walking (actually running the New York Marathon in 2018), and I became a yoga nut.
Once my body was in the groove, I worked on my mind. I’m a coach so you’d think this bit would come easily, it didn’t. I grabbed a colleague who got me where I needed to be. She got me to reflect on:
Who was I being now, not ten years ago, but now?
What can I let go of that can liberate me to grow forward to be the strong, healthy woman that I am?
What am I afraid of? Is it real or perceived?
Is my body letting me down, or am I stopping myself flourish for fear of what might happen?
The list went on. It was all the questions I ask my clients all the time, yet needing to be on the benefiting end for a change felt liberating. My body was changing, and my emotions were changing; therefore, it made sense that my mindset and my beliefs had to catch up.
The beauty with mindset is we’re the only ones in control of it. We have the choice to believe what we believe, think what we think and make decisions based on those beliefs. Beliefs can be changed, and that’s one of the keys to successful menopause.
I’ve got golden rules; they are my go-to reminders if I wobble off track:
- When stuff changes that you can’t control (the world, other people, menopause, etc.) focus only on what you can categorically control yourself. I was in a rough menopause; I researched it, sought specialists and didn’t take no for an answer. I controlled what I could.
- Body balance is everything. I’m not strict about my eating plan. I’m a lousy cook with little food imagination so rely heavily on cookbooks. I just eat as fresh as I can, I try not to snack so my body gets enough time to do its thing and I drink loads of water. I’m a big wine lover but don’t go crazy, and I love www.wellco.com Super Elixir, it’s the only supplement I touch. I love yoga, running and walking.
- Try to stay on the body balance wagon. When I fall off, I head to doomsville. As soon as I get back on it, I’m full of the joys of spring. It’s as basic as that.
- Mindset is what you make it. It creates your habits and your beliefs, and when they’re healthy, you can figure anything out. And even better, your experiences (a reflection of your beliefs) will be what you want them to be.
- Get your hormone levels checked, so you’re dealing with facts.
- Get the facts. Don’t use Dr Google, seek specialists to help you make informed decisions.
- Have a DEXA scan to check your bone density. The last thing you want is osteoporosis.
- Talk. Don’t hold in what needs to come out. Emotions manifest physically. Talk about how this is showing up for you.
I believe that the menopause is personal to every woman. As soon as I realized how badly it had affected me the second time around, I kicked into action.
I know that body balance plus a healthy mindset is the number one priority. That’s all I did for the first five years of my menopause. I also know that gave me the clarity to seek further help when I needed it.
The magic happens when you find your formula, whether it be nutrition-based, HRT based, mindset based or a combination of all three. As long as it works for you and you’re able to find a way to have a good quality of life while in the grasps of your changing body, then everything’s all aces.
In rude health,
Alex.
